


A Human Thing

by fanfoolishness (LoonyLupin), LoonyLupin



Series: A Pocketful of Eezo: Xia Shepard x Tali'Zorah vas Normandy [8]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Earthborn (Mass Effect), F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mass Effect 3, Normandy-SR2, Thessia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 09:14:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10331348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoonyLupin/pseuds/fanfoolishness, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoonyLupin/pseuds/LoonyLupin
Summary: Shepard isolates himself after the failure on Thessia.  Tali reminds him that he's not alone.





	

Tali had a lot of strengths.  Hacking, engineering, blasting things with shotguns.  She’d always been pleased with her gifts in those areas.  And more than anything, she was damn smart. **  
**

But knowing the right thing to say…

That eluded her, at times.

_Haestrom._

Her mouth twisted, thinking of her aborted attempts to inform the families of their loved ones’ losses.  She had done it in the end, because it had needed doing.  She had refused to allow herself to shirk that responsibility.  But the words had been clumsy, clunky, nowhere near the elegance someone like Liara might have wielded.  

Tali sighed.  Liara still wasn’t answering her comms.  The loss of Thessia was a wound Tali wasn’t sure could ever heal.  Her stomach clenched, thinking of what had her people had nearly lost – again – on Rannoch.

She worried about Shepard, too.  He’d been sharp in the war room, temper flaring, hands white-knuckled on the railing.  Later, when she’d asked him to talk to Liara, he had barely managed more than a sentence or two with Tali before heading to Liara’s quarters.  He needed time, too, she guessed.  Or maybe just a friendly ear.

Curious and concerned, she pinged his location through her omni-tool.  It was a tiny program they had set up weeks ago, an easy way for them to see where the other was in case they were separated in battle.  Shepard’s location pinged back from the armory.  Perhaps he was hoping to find an edge there.

She took the elevator, rolling her neck as she waited, trying to get the cricks out.  The suit pressed upon her.  Now that she took the occasional risk of suitlessness with Shepard, she found she missed the freedom of air on her skin more and more.  Her suit chafed at the space between her neck and shoulder, her skin remembering Rannoch’s breeze, and she rubbed at it irritably.  

The amory was largely deserted when she arrived.  She glanced around, looking for the familiar shape of the little mech-dog that roamed the area, but she didn’t see it.  She strolled down by the crates stacked against the far wall, where his location had pinged, and she wondered what he was doing there.  Sometimes he used James’ little gym, but the punching bag hung across the way, perfectly still.

She peered around the corner of the large crates.  “Shepard –” she said, then faltered.

He was huddled on the floor, his back pressed against a crate, staring at the wall with his knees drawn up to his chest.  The mech-dog was curled up against him, one of his arms draped over it.

“Hey, Tali,” he said thickly, not turning to look at her.

Tali sat down beside him, disquieted.  He kept staring at the wall, barely noticing she had sat beside him.  “What are you doing here?”  She reached out, laying her hand on his knee.  Mechanically he patted her hand.

“Nothing,” he said.  

“You’re hiding,” Tali pointed out.  “With the mech-dog.”

“Did I ever tell you this thing’s name?” asked Shepard, as if he hadn’t heard her accusation.  His hand lay heavy on her own, and she squeezed his knee, encouraging him to continue.  

She realized what it was, now.  It was always this way with him.  An _Everything’s fine_ drawn out first.  Then hemming and hawing about something unrelated.  Eventually, like infection being drained from a wound, he would out with it; whatever it was that gnawed him, whatever blackness choking him from within.  She wondered if he knew the pattern, though it didn’t matter.  If this helped him, she would be there for him.

“You gave it a name?” Tali asked, her voice soft.  She leaned against him, laying her head on his shoulder.

“There was a cartoon on Earth when I was a kid.  A dog named Astro.  She lived on a whole planet full of dogs and she was the most badass dog ever.  They traveled the galaxy and saved the day,” said Shepard, letting out a sharp laugh.

“Dogs?  Traveling through space?” asked Tali.  “That’s ridiculous.”  She stifled a snort.

“It was a cartoon!” said Shepard defensively.  He finally stopped looking at the wall and gazed at her instead.  His eyes looked red.  Still, though, he wore a faint smile.  “I always wanted a dog.  There were a lot of strays around, but… I was kind of a stray, too.  I never did have one.”

“So you named the mech Astro.”

He shrugged.  “You call your drone Chatika.  Is it really any different?”

“All right, fair enough.  It’s just a little fun to give it a name.”

“Right.”  He jerked a thumb at the mech, which propped itself up on its front legs and seemed to look at them.  “Astro.”  It flashed a small bright light from its eyes twice in response, then curled back up at his feet.

“Shepard,” Tali said.

He wiped at his face with his hands, shaking his head.  “I know.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”  She squeezed his knee again.

“No.”  Then, abashed, “Yes.”  Shepard let out a long breath, exhaling through his mouth.  “I yelled at Joker.”

Tali was taken aback.  “Joker?  But you always get along so well.  He’s one of your closest friends.”

“I know.”  His cheeks looked gray, drained of color.  He absently lowered his hand, petting Astro’s rounded head, his fingers running over the smooth surface.  “He was trying to joke about Thessia.  Trying to do it for me, actually, since I guess it’s that obvious I’m…  not myself.  I called him out on cracking a joke and I –”  His hand on the mech-dog’s head went still.  “His family’s missing, Tali, and I didn’t even know about it.  I never asked.  Everything Joker’s done for this ship, for _me_ , and I didn’t even ask.”

“Maybe he didn’t want to talk about it,” Tali said cautiously.  She nudged him with her shoulder.  “You don’t always want to talk about things, either.  Maybe it is a human thing.”

“I still could’ve asked.  Hell, I could’ve just looked at his file.  Even if he wasn’t my friend, it’d be important to know.”

“You’re fighting the Reapers, Shepard.  No one else could have gotten us this far.  You must remember it’s not possible for you to be there for _everyone_ all the time,” said Tali sadly.  “I wish it was, but it’s not.”  She swallowed.  “It’s something I’m learning every day as an admiral.  Admiral Koris and I couldn’t save everyone in the Civilian Fleet.  We couldn’t keep Legion intact.  And I’m not there on Rannoch now to help my people resettle.  But I’m doing the right thing, Shepard.  So are you.”  She put a little steel into her words.  Sometimes, she knew, he needed it.

“Am I?”  He leaned his head back against the crate, closing his eyes, his mouth tight.  “I fucked up back there.  Cerberus beat us.  And Thessia’s paying the price.”

“So is Palaven,” said Tali.  “So is Earth.   _That’s_ why we’re fighting.”  She turned, facing him, and cupped his cheeks in her hands.  She gently stroked his skin with her thumbs, wishing that there were no gloves between them.  Shepard opened his eyes, gazing steadily at her.   _Keelah_ , but he looked tired.

“You’re Commander Xia Shepard,” she said.  “And you and I are going to finish this damn war.”

A slow, crooked smile.  “There’s my girl,” he breathed.  He suddenly pulled her to him, his arms firm and warm as they enveloped her, and she sank into his embrace.   

“Don’t you forget it, Shepard,” she chastised.  “Now.  Talk with Joker tomorrow.  He’ll understand.”   
  
“I know.  You’re right.  As usual, Admiral Zorah.”  He pressed a kiss against the side of her neck where her suit and hood were thinnest, where she could feel the gentle pressure of his mouth against her skin. 

“Oh, to hell with it,” she said.  She reached up within his embrace and before he could say anything, removed her faceplate.  

“Are you sure –” he started, but he was cut short by her mouth on his, a hard kiss slanting over his lips.  She let herself linger for a beat – for one, two, three – his mouth opening, his tongue slick between her parted lips – and then reluctantly pulled away, smiling at him.

“I haven’t taken any antihistamines or antibiotics today,” she admitted.

“Tali!” he gasped.  “You shouldn’t take the risk –”

“But I did,” she laughed, and carefully replaced her faceplate, making sure the seals were secure.  “I’ll take a loading dose right now.  You just looked like you needed a good kiss.”

“You are so bad,” Shepard laughed, nuzzling her cheek, kissing the side of her neck once more.  “And so damn beautiful.”

She relaxed against him, then reached out a hand to pat the little mech-dog on its head.  It appeared to be sleeping, content to dream the night away, if its extremely limited VI could be said to dream.  It was a simple life; no fears, no regrets, no demons.  But it was a hollow one, as well.  She scratched the mech between where its ears might be, if it had them.

“So I don’t need to be jealous of Astro here?”

“Oh, no,” said Shepard casually.  “She’s a terrible kisser.”

“Shepard!  You are the _worst_.”

He just laughed, and she shook her head, trying not to laugh herself.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll go back at some point to work on more of how Tali and Shepard get together; I'm just getting story ideas down as they come :)


End file.
